I don't feel so ....

So...I'm suddenly back to my birthland...it took 2 days for me to find tickets JAL price US$1262,which is cheap, sort of....especially counting it's a high season, dates between x'mas and new year including transit and free overnite stay in japan although only in narita,it's fine...not fine per say it's a bit more than awesome, but for some reason I just can't seem to enjoy due to...exhaustion rite on the nite where I'm suppose to be enjoying the downtown in Narita City. Huh....I guess it's just not meant to be this time around, so or most likely the next one when I'm transitting later on Jan.. Hopefully maybe my honeymoon in tokyo someday would be the perfect timing on enjoying that.

Ok so that's not the only reason on it, I don't feel that very happy or excited to see my family and friends this time around....well more that usual.... I'm very worried that icy cold heart have stop melting and might starting to freeze once more....there wasn't any signs or prove of feeling even exist anymore this time around the holidays especially I wonder if it's just me, the sudden "vacation" timing or both....

Well, I'm leaving for Singapore tomorrow I don't feel the excitement as welll,let's really hope it'll change at least once I get there also if possible for me to finish my unfinish assigment from the last semester over there since I can't seem to do it in Indo for now...

Worried & Hoping for the best,
OXOX
Tao Priestess
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

My love poem

Got the inspiration..from listening love romantic song from my mandarin mixed cd....on my way to school to do my 1st final....of course the timing of my creativity always sucks....most of the time....

And I haven't written any love poem since the 3rd grade,so I dunno how this one is gonna be

Pardon my mandarin pinyin,I haven't been a very fluent on kanji writing or pinyin spelling....so HELP ME fix them if u got the time...thanks


Wo de ai....
(My Love....)
(Cintaku....)

Wo yau ni de ai...sui ran wo hai mei dao ni
(I want your love...even though I haven't met you,yet)
(Ku ingin cintamu...walau aku belom bertemu dengan mu)


Ren shuo bu de bu ai....tan shi wo zhi dao wo ai ni le
(Some say to know is to love....but I know - already love you)
(Kata org tak kenal tak sayang....tapi kutahu aku telah sayang kamu)


Mei tian wo deng ni lai....wei shen me ni hai bu lai
(Everyday I wait for you to come....why you haven't yet arrive)
(Tiap hari aku hanya menunggu kedatanganmu..mengapa engkau tidak kian tiba pula)
.

Mei tian wan shang wo kan yue...wo de xiang zhi hai you ni
(Every night I view the moon...only my mind goes running to you)
(Tiap malam kutatap rembulan....hanya dalam pikiranku cuma ada engkau)

Yue liang hen hao mei...tan shi mei yi shi ru kou ni bu zai wo sheng bian
(I saw the moonlight oh so very pretty....,but it doesn't mean a thing without you by my side)
(Kuratap rembulan begitu indah cahayanya....,tetapi tiada berarti tanpa dirimu di sampingku)

wo huai yi ni bu ke neng lai...ke shi yong yuan wo hai yao deng ni dao lai...
(I have doubts about you ever come to my life....however I'll still wait until the ends of time...)
(Terlintas dalam pikiranku bahwa kau takkan pernah datang....hanya aku masih rela tuk menunggu selamanya...)

OKOKOK I know my mandarin pinyin definitely sucks....HELP ME fix them please
And to be sure of what I'm saying/ wanna say I'll translate to indo and english so that u guys can help me

P.S. To all my friends thank you for the support on this again, again, and again.... I dunno if I'm still here alive if it wasn't for you all telling me to be patient, wait... and that she's coming as fast as she can....

What I'm thankful for

So... since I started to check on twitter and subscribe to tweets of good life or how-to-lead-a-happy-life or something like that... I read it's tweet to day that told me/says that to have a happy life or to prove that you got a happy life or something, you gotta mention 100 things you're grateful for, and since I'm an ungrateful son of a bitch that's trying to lead a new positive attitude towards life for my longevity and bla...bla...bla... I figured couldn't hurt to try and if possible to keep a bright ,smile, and shiny, attitude especially since lately I just keep pissing of people no matter what I said..., so a nice change of view and "scenery for my life would not be such a bad idea....

So, I'm gonna do 100 and each must be a completely different from the others since I can't just say thankful for Kriten Stewart, Peter Facinelli, Selena gomez, and that coounts as 3, should only coun;t as one for a category... so this is gonna be long and most probably boring, but I do it for the sake of changing myself into a grateful son of a bitch for once in my life, so definitely didn't have to read or anything because I did all of this for me, myself, and I.

1. I'm thankful for all the meals I have eaten today, they were all sugoi-desu,my stomach feels like exploding much.

2. For the joy of fatherhood(well unclehood,actually) from my baby(not my actual baby) Dexton Jax Djunaidy and My roomies/his parents,it was unbelievable and unforgettable,doubtful that I will forget my first time babysitting as a an actual adult, definitely will brace me for fatherhood someday in the future

3. Having a blog,twitter,youtube, and definitely facebook to make me able to get my mind out to the "world" and especially keeping in touch with those people I caee about.

4. Having a blackberry/ipod/laptop and other electronics that allows me to connect to internet, it's no longer a necessity, but a need in my life

5. Thankful for having great roomies, and my baby plus etc to share this thankful day with

6. Thankful for having a car, a HONDA and a CRV especially that managed to drive me to SFSU that was 45minutes away from where I live and yet doesn't give a hole on my spending for gasoline,if I were in sing would have definitely take public transport, so I'm very glad to have an accessible transportation while I was here in USA

7. Thankfui for $y family who pushed....no forced me to come to USA and made me reliaze that my thoughts are amazingly accurate about Hating this place in the first place.

8. Thanful for this part of painful dreadful journey in my life, to make m$e realize what I had before at home were so much better and nothing can compares to then.

9. Thxful 4 all the exp I got that made me, wiser,bitter,grunt,realist, and individualist who I have never relate myself as.

10. Definitely for the fact that only 8months left toward my commitment in USA and after that would be the freedom, and joy to know I would never come back for any reason at all (well most reasons lah,since The Fray said," Never said Never")

11. For the family that I hava,since there have all been there for me:

+my dad-forcing his "best" decisions for me;

+my-mom-defending me when times comes where I can't defend myself;

+my bro-denoya for reminding me spontanity and passion is something good to have in my life; +mybro-A2 to let me know when I have cross the humanilty line that for me seems so blurred/invisible most of my life

12. For my God family:

+my god-mom for someone who shows caring in a way that touched my heart and show me the term caring much deeper than anyone;

+my God-dad for being able to be someone that I can speak freely to, without judgement, and listens;

+my god-sis, Cessa for making me feeled like I'm not alone in being the oldest of all,sincew she's the only female granddaughter;

+my godsis-sien for able to critic me of evewry single action that was unclear even to myself sometimes;

+my godsis ting-for reminding me that what almost-having- a lil-sister would truly-most-likely-be-like;

+my god bro ivan; for reminding me that innocense of a boy isn't something that will last in time and yet also needed to see thing clearly in thw world

13. For my cousins each one especially unique and amazing and change my life/ way I look/face life all 15 of them excluding my god-siblings:
+Juwina: for arguing and debating on individualist vs communist,huge vs small; USA vs Singapore, which leads to a lot of verbal arguin and lots of common misunderstanding that made me realize where I am "standing" at.

+King2: for letting me know how a creepy guy feels like, and very grateful for it that I no longer manage to see on how creepy someone would be, but giving me the courage to try understand psycho people mind works a bit differently and if you're able to understand them might be there's hope for me to make them understand how to open themselves to other pattern of thoughts.

+Wiz: for listening sometimes and understanding as well when I share my thought with you bout well almost everything

+Ning2: for being the imaginary cute shy-quiet little sister that I now know a bit about if I were to have one of your type as a daughter

+Meaui Ting: For yah well trusting in me and my ability to be able to help when time comes.

+Kembar: for making me have a taste of what having a twin daughter would be like

+Evina: the loudest girl I have encounter, preparing me that my daughter can be as non-girly as I might have hoped for

+Wawa: For letting me know how a lil cute sis would touch my heart feels like

+EBI: for preparing me that my own daughter could be as "tough" as she is

14. For all my extended family members grandparents,uncle,ciu2,kuku,ii,chang2,acek, help shape me in big or small way in my life

15. For having a lot more connection/social network that I originally thought I had due to all the school changing, and college transferring

16. For all the teachers in my schools that give their best to me

17. for all the diciplinary act that I had to face my entire life for making me who I am today

18. For my non-double standard and equality for all thinking that manage me to think more than one way of looking towards something

19. for wicca, and the witches that played a huge role on my spell-casting skill

20. For Tao, that lead me to believe that light need darkness as much as darkness need light, the two co-exist and it's a battle of eternity.

21. For all the manga I have read that lead to a lot of understanding of japanese culture

22. For all the song that have filled me with foor for my soul, especially a few from lately:
Just haven't met u yet, somebody to love, shewolf, tik tok, and Bad Romance

23. For the rain that always wash away my sin and gives me new hopes whenever I'm on a very dark deep hollowand how it managed to save and revive me every single time

24. For having to rewrite these few last updated thing I'm thankfdul for since It got erased;awesome!!!!

25. Swimming wear and equipment to keep my comfortable under water.

26. My new and old handycam,dual camera for recording lots of briliiant even over these few last year.

27. For keeping myself through doing this list even though it got erased a few times already

28. For having shaving equipment fore my body that is hairy everywhere and so in deep need of laser removal...evewrywhere

29. For being able to cook....

30. For restaurant to order take out from when I'm not in the mood to cook which was all the time these past few years.

31. For 24hours supermarket to let me do my midnite shopping of groceries...

32. For frozen food to cover my needs when take away is just not an option,aka when I'm lazy to go out which is most of the time

33. For 24hours fitness to let me do workout on a vampire hours....

34. For the existence of chicken and squid/calamari as food

35. For Popeye and A&W for my favorit fast food chicken

36. For my classmates/ schoolmates for giving me a touch of different society in life

37. For changing school so many times for which I wouldn'( have me so many people in my life especially due to my lack of social interaction

38. For my blogs,to let me share my thought for those who still wishes to hear them.

39. For my bb backup batere in for which I could not continue my blogging or other function from my BB.

40. For 24 hour fast food/ restaurant when I'm having after the dark craving.... Or just going with friends

41. For finally reaching 40 bec 4 is my lucky/favo number and I almost reach halfway of this list

42. For getting to watch Wicked in Orpheum theatre in San Francisco, one less thing on my things to do before leaving this hell hole for life.

43. For having a Wii, nintendo DS, PSP 3000 and other gaming console that entertain me in my spare time and some more...

44. For changing the word "for" with the number "4" for the rest of this list and certainly many other word "cut" that exist nowadays.

45. 4 the chances that I might get another vacation in Asia this new year 2009-2010

46. 4 for realizing that it was a lot harder than I thought and thank goddess that I have all weekend, that only left me with less than 18 hours to finish the remaining 54 things....huh....

47. 4 the books that I get to read, novels....especially the twilight series.

48. 4

Something I can't get out from my head

( I think I was infected with Bakuman's virus, but anyhow this is a conversation that i just can't get out of my head)

A; Why would someone trying to get it?

B: bec they know how powerful it is

A: if we have a powerful items shouldn't we have used it to our advantage?

B: No, we can't use it's power, it reeks of evil.

A: then why we didn't destroy it before?

B: Bec we can't... It's a necessary evil

A: Necessary evil?

B: Haven't somebody told you that evil and good are like twins, just as light can't shine without the darkness, there can't be any good without evil.

A: so the necessary part would be...

B: ... that something that we needed to keep in the balance on everything

A: but that would mena even if we win this war evil would still exist?

B: Evil would still and always will exist, it has to, but after we won this would only necessary evil would happen to the world

A: But....

B: There's no but believe it or not we who serve the good, the light need that necessary evil, the world need that necessary evil. Without necessarily evil, police can't kill bad people in order to save the good ones, the head of religious belief can't preach about God and many more will die from disbelief, even though we know that they use their powers for their own purposes rather than Goddess's, but it's better to have more mis-belief people rather than more of disbelieving people. These are all necessary evil without it, the protector can't protect, and the evil dweller can't turn good. The World need necessary evil. And Right now we need to find that thing before someone decided to use it power for the UN-Necessary evil and it will turn evil and does chos to the world.

A: I understand....

Just a thought crossing over, enjoy

OXOX

Tao Priestess

the song that was made for me

The lyrics of this song just reflect to,from and for me

Michael Buble - Haven't Met You Yet

I'm not surprised,
Not everything lasts,
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in,
I talk myself out,
I get all worked up,
Then I let myself down,

I tried so very hard not to loose it;
I came up with a million excuses,
I thought I thought of every possibility,

And I know some day that it’ll all turn out,
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get~ mmm.......
I just haven't met you yet.

Mmmmm ....

I might have to wait,
I’ll never give up,
I guess it's half timin', and the other half's luck,
Wherever you are,
Whenever it's right,
You'll come outta nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazin',
And baby your love is gonna change me,
And now I can see every possibility, mmmmmm....

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out,
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And promise you kid, I'll give so much more than I get, mmmm....
I just haven't met you yet.

They say all’s fair
in love and war
But I won’t need to fight it,
we'll get it right an',
we'll be united

Instrumental

and I know that we can be so amazin',
And bein' in your life is gonna change me,
And now I can see every single possibility, mmmmmm

And someday I know it'll all turn out,
And I'll work to work it out,
Promise you kid I’ll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get.

Oh, you know it'll all turn out,
and you'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And promise you kid to give so much more than I get, yeah
I just haven't met you yet.

I just haven't met you yet,
Oh, promise you kid,
To give so much more than I get.

I said love love love love love love love.....
I just haven't met you yet
Love love love .....
So doy day ay ay ay, ay ay yeah
I just haven't met you yet!



I'll wait for you....forever...
OXOX
Tao Priestess


 

Lonely weekend is over...

Still having a headache for a few hours now... udah take panadol pun msh ga mempan.. damn I might even go to bad early bec of this...

Anyway... feeling like writing bec today at Desperate Housewives it's all about judging, judgement, and getting judged of course...

as Mary alice young said... It's very easy to judge people by they have done, but when we're the one being judged we get defensive, and even blame other for our mistake/fault. and Certainly how do we judge ourself and how do we live with that judgement even after ignoring other's judgement.

So, question to self, "how do I manage to somehow getting judges by my family as a ungrateful selfish-spoiled brat; cruel and all over by my friends; while I can't even manage to finish everything I'm suppose to do and times seems to fly by so fast, and yet I didn't even move an inch in my life?"

I don't know... I really wish I know and can manage to do everything a child, friend, student, independent human being.... I really wish that I can be a better at all of this... I wish to change, and I know I can and I will be though I must ay it will took time...and place... oh I just wish that I can really fast forward this next 9months so that this "life" i had here can be over now instead of torturing me for the next 9 months. I can finally leave this part of my life behind and start a complete new one right now.... but I cna't fast forward time, due to not having a Universal remote of my life..... on my hand. so gotta suck it up stay strong...especially through this verge of my "breakdown"/"heart attack" / "stroke" and whatever else I called it.... 9 months left just stay strong, and believe in myself. and all of the support of my friends would be all I needed. thank for all of them, guys....

Now that the depressing part is over... Oh, My goddess Desperate Housewives is very funny, and Brothers&Sisters after is Hilarious with the dropping jaw guest star,Gilles Marini . Which lliterally drop the jaw of most of the cast, which was hilarious.... cna't stop laughing, a perfect ending , then ending I needed after being left home alone of 3 days and nite by my roommates,(they did ask and black mailed me to come with them, but I have to said no bec I got class) and makes me feel so lonely and homesick I even sleep in the sofa just bec I don't wanna sleep in my bed in my room when I know that the next room is empty and no one's going to knock on my door, that and the 42" 1080p TV flat screen is better than the 32" 720p LCD monitor in my room. So, I move everything downstair until they finally came back last nite...

Bro&Sis is super hilarious Have I mention there's dancingS , and the very drool-worthy, jaw-dropping of Gilles Marini coming out of the pool in a speedo? or normal swimming trunk, I didn't even know what was that, bec the camera isn't focused on that ONLY, but the close up of the juciest of entire human body, I guess....Half kidding, I was laughing myself off especially watching all the reaction of the entire family spying on him in a slow motion dripping wet out of the pool scene(too bad I gotta keep my mouth shut very quickly remembering my baby is sleeping next room)

Anyway hopefully u guys enjoy this weekend of yours, and don't miss the latest Desperate Housewife and Brothers&Sisters this week, go to www.abc.com and watch those online, and use hotspotshield, so that all of u who are out of the USA internet user can still watch it for free on ABC.com website.

As Kitty text the entire house,

"The House is on Fire & party on the swimming pool"


Enjoy...,
OXOX
Tao Priestess

GG's quote

This one is deeply close to my heart, I should think that you all know why....

Gossip Girl:

"If you ask me, we go to the movies because we want to see fairytales."

"A sleeping queen woken by her true love's kiss."

"A princess who puts aside her jewels to make her way in the world."

"Lovers torn apart being brought together."

"But Life isn't a Fairytale & Happy Endings are few and far between"

"In life, The Young Queen becomes a tyrant & takes her subjects to wars."

"So, that's why we need movies.... to remind us that despite it all, LOVE can still spring in the most unlikely of all places."

"And that Sometimes Even Fairytale Can Come True."

XOXO

GossipGirl

The song that I just can't get out of my head.....

Ingrid Michaelson - Maybe

I don't wanna be the one to say goodbye
But I will, I will, I will
I don't wanna sit on the pavement while you fly
But I will, I will, oh yes I will

Chorus:
'Cus maybe in the future You're gonna come back
Gonna come back around
Maybe in the future you're gonna come back
Gonna come back
Oh the only way to really know
Is to really let it go
Maybe you're gonna come back
Gonna come back
Gonna come back to me

I don't wanna be the first to let it go
But I know, I know, I know
If you have the last hands that I want to hold
Then I know, I got, to let them go

Repeat Chorus:

I still feel you on the right side of the bed
And I still feel you in the blankets, pulled over my head
And I'm gonna wash away
(I'm gonna wash away)
Oh I'm gonna wash away
Everthing 'til you come home to me

Maybe in the future you're gonna come back
You're gonna come back in the future
You're gonna come back
You're gonna come back

Repeat Chorus:

mmmm you're gonna come back to me
You're gonna come back to me