LOVE SUCKS!!!!

"Love sucks" , I like this quote coming from this book that friend of mine, Sherlong managed to lend me this JAn 08.

The book's title is Say "NO" to Love by Wiwien Wintarto

Ok, the reasons that I haven't managed to read this book all the way from JAn 09 from when she lend me up until last few days on my family trip to Bdg are that I rarely read Indo book, so wasn't too sure if it's really worth wasting my time on, and I really don't have much of the time to even remember where I put the book let alone to read it, so that's about why.

For all of you that knows me definitely know that I LOVE "LOVE" in anyway and anyhow possible I would do or sacrifice anything to find love, ANYTHING.

SO I'm currently kinda feel weird that I like that expression, "Love sucks" bec I remember every single person that says that before in the past make me want or actually do scream at them saying at least you got one, even though it turns out to be sucks, but it's better to love and love than to never love EVER.

Ok, so the two main char in the book, got NOTHING in common with me, NOTHING, really.

Basically it's about these two person who just have very bad luck in their love life, but thank Goddess I guess since they're definitely Soul mate, as in Made for one another. It's just that they don't "love" each other although they are definitely perfect for each other, and not just because every single person that saw them together seem to think so. Which finally after all their very bad luck in love, now all they have was each other. This is not about them falling in love, well not in the book anyway who knows what's behind the "The End" part of the book., but it basically teaches the concept of actually finding someone that "clicks" with you someone that just perfect for you in every matter possible, your soul mate, not you true love, love of you life, big ,love, or any other love, but soul mate.

It was believed that many of us have managed to find our soul mate once upon a time in our life, "but just because we're perfect for each other doesn't mean that we should be together, especially not when we're not in love with each other." Many common mistakes that women usually makes, I believes, sorry for all women who feels like I'm trashing them, but the idea of love or true love was believed to take more toll on women than men, so I am included into those women with "waiting for my true love" syndrome. Not that there anything wrong with it to begins with almost every modern society was expected that marriage or relationship have to be based by L.O.V.E. So definitely these kind of people, including me feels no regret or remorse towards this idea and cherish it indefinitely.

So by the end of the book they finally realized that they do have feeling for each other even though it's not love, it's definitely a much stronger feeling than love, A Need for each other, a feeling where one can't imagine living his/her life with out the other, at least not anymore ever since they have met. The idea of Kawin gantung, perjodohan, etc might have been based on these idea, the idea where love doesn't need to exist in order to have a relationship with someone. As long as both fits each other would be a nice coupling, and many of these marriage's survive, definitely way more than those that require loves' marriages.

It's not that I haven't thought about it, I DEFINITELY CERTAINLY HAVE. It's my primary reason I asked a couple of my friends to be my "Back-Up"* , but of course I guess I dunno is it because that they have never imagine a concept of marriage without "love" or avoid marrying me (as is the idea of being with me is repulsive o whatever, no offense taken by me anyhow)or that they mind haven't even come close to marriage or any committed relationship, I dunno not for sure anyway why they all said "NO", but I do already had the feeling, but couldn't blame a guy for trying, who knows I do get some of my predictions wrong from time to time, glad for it to happen in a better way than I predicted even though it means that I was wrong.

SO, today's question:

Would be if you could pick, would you marry someone you love that isn't your soul mate or would you go for the "Love suck" and find your soul mate to marry instead?

To me, it's a definitely an interesting concept, too bad I can't/don't really have other options than "Love sucks" , my lack of humanity has definitely has taken it's toll on the whole Love thing. I have never been in love with anyone, Heck I don't even know if I have ever love anyone EVER, I mean family's love is a different kind of love, but truthfully I don't think I feel anything, but like or dislikes toward my family member, none of it includes love, I really2 do hope that I'm completely wrong on analyzing myself in this matter, but I dunno, maybe. So anyhow since there no way to know if I will ever fall in love EVER, the only options I would have would be to find my soul mate. And I would probably choose my soul mate over love for someone to marry because love is just a feeling, and since we can't control our feeling we didn't exactly know when they would come and make us fall in love with someone and when they would go and make us fall out of love with the person that we probably already marry by the time this happen. So main reason for that 50% of divorce is because we pick love over our soul mate whenever we can, I guess, so the good news was, "We're so much alike, We're in love, and We're gonna get married." The bad news is, "You're not the person I marry, I don't love you anymore, and I want a divorce." Guess What?! Those marriages are just doomed from the beginning bec as also I mention before love is a felling but friendship, likeliness, soul mate, they don't went away over time just like feelings, such as Love, usually does. So if the whole entire marriage or whatever else commitment that those people make was based on love only, just be careful and be prepared when someday you wake up and there's a stranger that you know next to you in the bed.

I'm pretty sure that Love is almost a helpless thing to refuse/reject, so DON'T try to throw them away, it usually never works, but it's only a feeling, it doesn't control your actions, your behaviour maybe, but not you action. So you can have the feelings and not act based on it. I believe a confession of loving someone to that someone usually does the trick to no longer feel the love virus that's ruining your life and your mind, just Confess nothing more! I know personally that this trick work for me once or twice in the past. So, I wouldn't doubt it, but I wouldn't call it in love per say, probably more like a "crush", but confession definitely did the trick to gain back all control of your mind.

Luck for Love and Fate to meet their soul mate,to all

OXOX

Tao Priestess

Natasha Bedingfield - Soulmate, a very touching song that hopefully will make you realize how hard is it t find your soulmate in this life.

PS:* Ok, I have explain to my friends that there is such things as "Back-Up" , but not quite sue they understand perfectly. "Back-Up" is a person or more that you made promise to marry and live the rest of your lives together with, when..... if..... (whatever the conditions are) usually would involve getting older and none of them is married or ready to give up on looking for "True Love" Settling down with someone that you can actually pick despite whatever your feelings are towards them, but if you're going to pick someone to marry in case your "True Love" never shows up wouldn't you pick someone like a soul mate, a friend who you can feel like being yourself with, someone who u know you can depend on, someone you won't regret spending the rest of you life with (when you never find/ give up on looking for "True Love"). I absolutely have no regret asking "them" to be my "BAck-Up"even though I know the answer before hand because I can actually see and imagine the future with "them" although I'm pretty sure to not have feeling more than just a friend/ best friend towards them. Again, can't blame a guy for trying especially when it's probably the only thing I can do for my own future relationship/marriage.

Vacation so far

As you all should know first of all.

Due to my lack of energy to plan stuff, and other late work I need to make up during this vacation time, I AM NOT going to plan (as in to call, check schedule&availability of when All my friends can hang out, plus also not thinking of anywhere to go or what to do) anything, so unless my friends or whoever it is have made the plan, I'll probably just be at home hibernating and all like a polar bear, but if they do make the effort to make a plan and all I'll do my best to follow along.

2nd reason why I decided not to plan anything is because most of my friends are all on their last semester of S1, so they have got thesis to write finals of all finals to study, and trials to be prepared for, so I really don't think that they would have any time to spend anyway, which is my primary eason on deciding to stop over on Sing up until New Year, 1 Jan of 2009, but some family planned vacations was in order, so I was forced to arrive in J-Town ealier than I planned, which was 18 of Dec. My family trip to Bdg just ended yesterday and am I glad, sort of that it did, kinda, most likely. The reason for this is that I know ahead of time that this family trip isn't going to be as fun as the one I went with Windy,and his Untar "people" (TarQ2's Junior High who goes to Untar). And family trips usually never was much fun. Anyway besides proven that I stand corrected about most of the future that I manage to predict, I also grateful for hating/disliking my family more is definitely helping me, not to be in a mood to shop or eat in this matter. I'm good either way, my anger issue has definitely went overboard, I'm guess my first summer in US cause this effect hopefully my 10days in sing from 4-15 JAn 09 will clear this thing up.

3. Final thing I would like to mention is that I'm definitely canceling my Sweet 21 B'day bash bec of the guest invites are all or mostly unavailable due to their finals happening on the same week, I felt bad about wasting their time, trying to make it to my stupid B'day rather than doing their best on their finals, I DEFINITELY do not want my B'day to be one of the reason that they couldn't have done any better. So I declared my event gone, in order to "help" in a way I can only think of or do. AFterall, as I mention I'm so damn freaking tired with this year's unluckiness towad the rabbit zodiak community, I decided to stop asking for disastous thing to happen by not trying to plan stuff, and go with the flow, sort of, hopefully you all understnad and know what I mean. So I'll have fun any how on , my hibernating vacation with or without my friends, so Don't feel guilty about not being able to accompany me while I'm in J-Town. Put you needs before mine, ok!

 

Anyhow Friends forever and Keep in touch

OXOX

Tao Priestess/M$tm

Singapore,Baby!

People, I'm in Sing, and I'm leaving tonite at 9.25 pm 18 Dec 2008 to J-Town, Indo.

my phone number is still +62**58808300.

ok. that shoulld be all .

Bubai

The latest Jam of my soul and Blues to my heart

Been crazy about these two song, for obvious reason.

The jam just moves me in so many way literally, every single time with a dance or so more or less.

Lady Gaga -Just Dance

A red one
Convict
Gaga

I've had a little bit too much
All of the people start to rush (start to rush by)
A dizzy twister dance
Can't find my drink or man
Where are my keys?
I lost my phone

What's goin’ on, on the floor?
I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore keep it cool What’s the name of this club?
I can't remember but its alright, a-alright

Chorus:
JUST DANCE!
Gonna be okay
Da da doo doot-n
JUST DANCE!
Spin that record babe
Da da doo doot-n
JUST DANCE!
Gonna be okay
D-d-d dance, dance, dance, just
J-J-JUST DANCE!

Wish I could shut my playboy mouth
How'd I turn my shirt inside out (inside out right)
Control your poison babe
Roses have thorns they say,
And we’re all getting’ hosed tonight!

What's goin’ on, on the floor?
I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore keep it cool What’s the name of this club?
I can't remember but its alright, a-alright

Chorus

When I come through on the dance floor checkin' out that catalogue
Can't believe my eyes so many women without a flaw
And I ain't gonna give it up, steady trying to pick it up like a call
I'm a hit it up beat it up latch on to it until tomorrow yeah

Shorty I can see that you got so much energy
The way you twirlin' up them hips round and round
And there is no reason that at all why you can't leave here with me
In the mean time stay let me watch you break it down and

Chorus

Half psychotic sick hypnotic got my blueprint its symphonic
Half psychotic sick hypnotic got my blueprint electronic
Half psychotic sick hypnotic got my blueprint its symphonic
Half psychotic sick hypnotic got my blueprint electronic
Go! Your your muscle car-ve it out work it, hustle!
Don't Slow! Drive it, clean it lysol, bleed it
Spend the last dough in your pocko!

Chorus

Watch the fabulous video here


My blues on the other hand just wrench my heat every time the melody even begins to play. There's a sense of suffering and belongings of my soul tingling over my entire body, it's just nuts, crazy , but somehow also wonderful and amazing to actually feels my own soul there inside of me, move so greatly that I can feel it's present within my flesh and blood.

The Fray - You Found Me

//Verse 1//
I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All alone
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, “Where you been?”
He said, “Ask anything.”

//Verse 2//
Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
That never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad

//Chorus 1//
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

//Verse 3//
In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who’s ever known
Who I am
Who I’m not, and who I want to be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me

//Chorus 2//
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

//Bridge//
Early morning
The city breaks
I’ve been calling
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve
Taking all I want

//Chorus 3 and outro//
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Where were you, where were you?

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

Why’d you have to wait
To find me, to find me?

Watch the fantastic video here

Those two songs been my very own steroids or drugs towards my suffering lately with the stress of the end of a semester, you all should know what I'm talking about I'm just glad it's about more or less than 108 hours until I'm out of this continent, can't wait, but also of course I got a lot of thing to be prepared for, but I still can't wait.
OXOX
Tao Priestess

Lonely as ever

You know after watching the trilogy movie of The Librarian.
All three, The Quest for The Spear, Return to Solomon's Mine, The Curse of The Judas Chalice.

I realized something, I realized that I love adventure movies, as in tomb's raider kind of movie, maybe not like The Da Vinci Code, or National Treasure, but the kind like Indiana Jones although I'm not particularly like Indiana Jones movies, I dunno maybe bec it didn't have any touch of magic that I was hoping for, kind of like The Librarian or Tomb Raider.

Anyway besides that I completely realized, of course after that main point of the entire story line behind the third movie of The Librarian, Curse of The Judas Chalice. I swear it was like watching twilight all over again, literally just with different ending more or so, but definitely realize something else. It wasn't only Cupid, God&Goddess of love that was "cursed" with not being able to "love", but many more basically all God&Goddess can't "love" due to their "job" of ruling something, also those "chosen" people that also got not only a "job" or the "calling" to their "fate/destiny" , but also got their lives sucked into them completely, no time for family events, no time to spend with friends, and definitely no time for dating, love life, that special significant other; in other words no time for any personal matter at all. So, these "chosen" people might even be more unluckier than Cupid, God or Goddess bec these people had the chance and even might actually found their soul mate or true love even, but bec of the needs or the feel of the duty to fulfil their "fate/destiny", so they have to let them go. It's just unbelievable, I mean for all we know Cupid, God & Goddess might not be blessed to have a soul mate or true love to begin with, but these people do have that someone for them, but they just "forced" to sacrifice themselves and let them go, as for their happiness in love.

It's just sad and very touching to let your soul mate or your true love go for all the "right" reasons, don't you think so?
OXOX
Tao Priestess

PS: For those of you who are lucky enough to find your soul mate or true love, be happy with it. Don't ever let them go! If they're happy to be with you and they want to be with you, why would you be STUPID enough to let them go!? You should really know that if you did leave them for selfish enough reasons, then you're just a FREAKING IDIOT!

Finals and deadlines this week , DAMN

ok, to start of the best gossip girl ever... well sort of
Goddess, heart-wrenching Heroes

(SPOILER ALERT) for those who haven't catch up to the latest episode better not read the next FEW paragraphs AT ALL

UGH what the FUCK, what the hell, shot, ugh sop un-freaking believable oh, it was all seems so perfect up until the end part, damn it come on........ Blair finally said those there little words good for her able to accept love and being nice and all thanks to he new step-dad, I guess, but Chuck just have to be the bastard narcissist, disregarding those words he been longing to hear from her; the perfect lover when he finally admits and accept her to come into his heart; but then turns into the "perfect" gentleman, and leave her with the reason of he's not good enough for her. UGH, come on!!!!!!!!!

Dan just gotta ruin everything by not playing along, and Serena just finally close that door possibly forever, this is horrible. Horrible horrible especially horrible, then again, if Dan is really going to tun out to be gay at season 3/4 then maybe this wouldn't be the worst thing, that will happen, yet I guess.

And yes the Rufus-Lily drama is firing up from BArt's funeral up until elanor's wedding. Finally they can be together again from a few decades ago, to last season when LIly choose to marry Bart bec Serena ask her to not pursue Rufus, bad choice then bad one now, but glad Serena come to accept the fact that it won't stop the love story between those two, but not answering dan's phone call to alert the breaking up of their parent before they can even finally start again. I just knew it, even since Serena's grandma giving those hints that somehow everyone never notice about Lily's secret, 1 thing I figure it has gotta be something about Rufus, but what her obsession with him in his rock star years, but gotta be something more she can't went NUTS just bec that, something more like pregnant on early years ,as in pregnant with Rufus's baby. DA, it was all figuratively solvable like some math problems that you know what the answer is that, but can't quite figure out why or how you know that you have the right answer when you haven't even start to calculating those numbers , yet. And it's all confirm when in the end Rufus said, "All I needed to know was, is it a girl or a boy?" Huh, figures. Am I, right? or am I RIGHT!

Heroes unfreaking-believable, how the hell, well figure athur uses the power he stole from hiro, and the "thing" and after making the serum he died. Sylar kill him, ugh damn it. Peter haven't got his power back yet. Hiro lost his power and stuck in time, 16 years ago, come on, Damn it. Claire returned to the future. DAMn it I almost cried when it was Kristen Bell's body lying on the sand ugh, come ON! Damn well where would I'll be able to see Kristin Bell again. huh..........

(SPOILER's OVER)
ow well, all over this week next week no new episodes not that I'll HERE anyway, yup we reach that middle point of mid-season where it finally no new episodes of our favorites shows. not until next yea anyway too bad my cable can only show up until 2 weeks ahead of the tv shows schedule, so won't get to record Scrubs ne home at ABC channel, witgh the premiere episode guess starring Coutney COX, ugh so wanna watch, guess watch online should have to do it. Plus new shows like Tust me with my favorites comedy actos, it's gonna be awesome. Plus Priviledged is con tinuing on Jan, I know very ealy huh, weell I wouldn'y be here since I'm leaving this freaking continent on 15 dec 2008 13.05 from SFO and arrive at 17 dec 2008 around 1 a.m. and will be in Sing for about 44 hours, I should be in J-Town, Indo, my hometown from 18dec 21.45, ok, so when then you all called me on my indo cell ok.

I'll be in sing from 4 jan 2008 - 12 probably jan 2008, then go back to j-town again to plan my sweet 21 if there's anything to plan eally I'm somehow no longer in a very celebratory mood, I guess it's true what people said about the fun of the "preparation" but when it come to the "celebratory" part is not such fun. So yeah probably not going to be any party later, but let's see if there's any mood changes happen when I'm finally back in ASia after the longest time that I have been stuck here in a year EVER. Thank Goddess I'll be in ASia twice next year, people on the early year for my B'day and Chinese New Year, DA!~!!! and on summer my Kris Flyer miles redeems ticket was up at Jusy 25 exactly so I get to go home on mid year woho, then agian this would mean I can't eally do summer school, which mean I wouldn't be graduating MAy of next year probably, my graduation gonna be delayed up to the year end, dunno whether to be happy about it or not, but I guess it gives me a break on my "deadline" and whther or not I could get into an intenship programs or somethin. Hopefully Grad school fo S2, but don't bet on it I am still dying slowly and from my anger issue is totally uncontrolable vey lately and since everyone been saying thaty I finally found out whatever the hell reason is and I'm pretty sure it's all about the longest stay I have ever been in here or probably about my very fist summer here, and for the freaking first time I got sick and in so badly sick that I'm just wanna drop dead, those stupid annoying make mes wanna feel like fainting headache, ugh, come on.....

I'm sure I'll be at my calm center once I'm outta here or when it's touch dwon on SING, can't wait.
OXOX
Tao Priestess

Naidelyn, Happy B'day

You probably think or hoping that I forgot your b'day, especially since my loyal b'day reminder phone is broken, but sorry no such luck, Naidelyn.

Happy B'day to you, Nai.
May all you wish come true.
All your hope have no chance of being .
Your prayers answered.
Blessed you'll be always.

Glad to have a friend like you, hopefully we'll be friends for life
OXOX
Tao Priestess

PS: I didn't mention your age bec age is a part of woman's mistery, remember a secret is what makes a woman, a "woman." Hehehehe

Dedicating to my mom's B'day, but......

Ok, I have no manner, that's completely true, no argument, I somehow just didn't born with it, maybe no one does, but most people learn manners and manage to attach them to their daily life, but I just can't somehow, I'm sorry you all.

Ok, and again besides those manners that I don't obtain, my relationship with my very closely blood-link with my family aren't so good, and I mean with my brothers, my parents, and my grandparents from my dad, basically my entire family that lives in the same house with me, they just drives me nuts to the point of no returning to them, physically and emotionally, I guess. So now somehow even though I'm far away from them, that they are less annoying, and I don't hate them so much any more only when I'm on the phone with them, so far. anyway either bec of these or maybe bec I'm just plain insensitive who can't even feel like I MISS them, at all. Which brings me to either consciously or unconsciously never remember to calls them unless it's very essential like day or finance thing, and they ask and told me to call more, for like a 2 minute chat, just asking ,is everyone ok, etc. So I set up my phone to have reminder to call them every week on the weekend, well that didn't seem to work for the last 3 weeks or so, pls now my phone is broken, so even "better", ugh...

Anyway just called them this weekend and just now with my mother telling her Happy B'day, well bec my phone's broken the reminder didn't exactly set off, so almost forgot about it until my lil bro, Denoya sms me, to call home about that of course he was also kinda testing me by not making it obvious, of course I remembered instantly and check the clock it already passed midnight of 2 December 2008 (I never believe in celebrating that same day if my time zone haven't yet, I would rather be late bec of course congratulating someone on their birthday earlier than their time, which haven't comes yet would be like cutting them short of their life span by those hours, minutes, and seconds that you "skip" to tell them an early congratulation's, then again it's just a belief, but I also believe that every belief was created for some reasons, either it's cultural beliefs or traditions, no matter how old they are you shouldn't really disbelieving them, especially when you certainly don't know the reasons why those beliefs or traditions were created for WHAT reasons in the first place, even though you though you knew the anthropological reason, some things are just not for science or human to mess with from the start, so.. I'm just keeping my safe options, as to believe on every single one, well mostly anyway while I'm at it I also create new traditions and hopefully manage to get rid of all the useless old ones, plus since it's mostly true that when you don't believe in something then "it" won't work for you, but I also do know that just because you DON'T believe in something, that doesn't mean "it" doesn't EXIST, or any less true for those who believe)

Yeah, I was so lucky, Denoya pick up the phone and told me that mom was on the phone with someone else, and while I wait for my mom to get off the other phone, Denoya's God mom, my cousin, Lady's mom, my mom's youngest sis was just arrived at my house there and was just delivering MY present to my mom( I gave her my mom's present when she was here with Lady to visit me during the summer) just on time, any way the rest pretty normal just saying happy B'day and my mom start yapping and almost lost my temper, bec if her, but also bec of the phone's bad reception, plus the topic was about annoying family members that I HATE, to death, SO YEAH GETS MY TEMPER GOING UP, but mostly she just couldn't let the idea of my actually forgets to call every week the issue, I told her I just couldn't remember since my memory is that bad, and with me getting distracted always, how did I managed to keep such thing, I explained up there when I was starting this blog. I'll try harder, but seriously I really do think that I have Attention Deficit Disorder(ADD) where I just can't barely focus on one thing most of the time, I was so much better off with multi-tasking bec of this, but never been such great results in any of my work anyhow, gotta see a doctor about this, maybe... anyway I figures since my friends, or strangers-like didn't even believe me, when I just start yapping with what is wrong with me, why would my mom or family would admit that I have any flaw, especially not a normal one such as
-my insomniac, I have been asking for sleeping pills years even before I move here, NOT GIVEN
-my insensitivity toward my own feelings, my family is expert on making me feel this, but they certainly not know that I don't know when I "like" someone or I'm capable of falling in love someday, please I'm not even "allowed" to date if I really truly lived by the rules that my family gives me and my bros, but I am capable of love. I know this not just bec I hate my family, since according to ME if you're capable to hate someone then you're certainly capable to love, also like I always said I love my cousins, from mom's family side, and I love my God parents and my God sisters and bro, and I love my friends, but never been able to love a friends like a family wait scratch that there are some friends that just feels like more like a family than just a friend, probably bec they are in my family's world but not part of my family in blood. So I'm capable of love for friends and family, just not sure whether I can fall in love with someone, yeah this is enough complication for any normal people who can feel and fall in love, how did you think if affects me since I can't even tell my own feelings.
-let's see my ADD, this one they just don't wanna admit to it probably bec they don't want to be thought as an idiot by public, please ADD hardly an idiot my IQ is normal!
-The fact that I have cat/owl eyes, where I just see things better when it's night/dark, all I need is tiny stinking lite from somewhere and I can see the entire room clearly, like a candle or some sort is enough BUT they never trust me of course, very annoying since my bathroom in indo or here got a window or some sort that allows lite to come in even at night, so I never take a shower with the bathroom lights on, so once they figure I was inside, they must turn on the light and blind me right away since water reflects the light everywhere, and with my eyes that's very sensitive to light, the reason my driving wasn't better at day, annoys the hell out of me, they really couldn't trust me when I said I can see fine in the dark, Goddess, i'M JUST A NIGHT OWL&/CAT, deal with it!
-my Tv addict, oh don't even get me started-, I wouldn't be speaking any word of english if it wasn't because of TV.
-my laziness , even they admit this one, I do wish of getting rid of this one, but my it kicks in again every time I tried to put some effort on getting rid of it. I need a life coach or something to get rid of this one.
-my psychic-ness, just fine they don't really know much about it, they think I was just yapping when I told them about the future or my future.
-my girlishness, my dad can't handle it, and my mom even worse, plus my brothers and my cousins.
-my fatness, getting rid of it, I hate it bec of my own reasons as well so don't even bother with their disgust and etc, I NEVER care about my look, and certainly NOT going to want ANYONE who want to be with me , JUST because of IT.
-my talkativeness, plzzzzz.... it runs FROM the family
-ow, my money spending attitude, again since I was "raised" like a spoiled prince somehow, I never really See the importance of money, at least not until cent/ penny worth of money, but I mostly shop from SALE rack, and never going to buy things just bec of brand/expensive, but comfort and cheap , in fact the only brand of clothing that I really like was only Banana Republic especially it's wonderful prices, when compared to other brands. And Unless I really like some things so bad and I was sure that I couldn't get them any better, any cheaper, or any where else in that matter I would go crazy and shop, but aside from that my family don't like it that I don't see much of what money do. Well, I don't really believe money brings much of "true" happiness, so... maybe that's why. I just might have to suffer financial problems in the future to purely understood how much would a money's worth in life, I just wish I would learn it sooner than later, of course if I can.
Hopefully that about all of my flaws although I'm surely much more flawed and damaged than that, but I'm willing to accept these flaws as a part of me and I will change what I don't like, and probably be keep in those that I like, but as long as someday I can be someone better that myself now, just dunno how or when that would happen, just know it will, someday... that's all I can do and promise myself,for now since also lack of ambition for most of the things in life besides love was just another flaw of me. I would really just have to say, I'm not most people, especially not normal in so many ways, and I'm fine with it, I guess I would change me for someone else, for now at least.

Thanks for listening(reading) you guys. I should learn how not to expect other to know you by stalking or investigate every one of your moves to know or listening and holding on every single one of your words, to know someone, I gotta expect others to know the thing I want them to know bec I told them directly not just bec I "hint" on it. I should realise that not everyone excluding the narcissistic ones, can't focus and tell on their someone who had a long relationship/friendship with just by looking or just with one word, one tone in their voice to know if something is wrong or that everything is alright. I really just know that only great detectives or those people that you share your "soul" with can do that kind of deduction of knowing you're ok or not just with a single tone on your voice from the phone or their body language at first glance, I guess I just been blinded by Tv that most of great friendship/relationship had that kind of "soul" binding thing. I have always thought that from all the great friendships I had with my good friends we already Had the "soul" binding thing, but even from that group less than half only could manage to do that "soul" binding " thing with me, I guess. So I have always thought that I have less "true" friends bec of the lack of this "soul" binding thing, but like I said a great detectives who could be a total stranger can make me feel this "soul" binding, and I sometimes do with other's that are a complete stranger to me. I figures that those friends that I have the "soul" binding thing with would probably just happen bec I know them from the past lives, those great friend that do not have this "soul" bonding thing with me probably just very bad detectives who probably don't pays attention when I'm lecturing or going on rambling about something, then again should I blame them I mean they are only humans and have their limitation towards my talkativeness, who doesn't! Really... So... I should stop the "hint"ing and be more direct about things towards them, even though I would hate doing this "direct" thing since part of the excitement is when you don't even know that you're "hinting", but your friends pays close attention and surprises you anyway, but I wouldn't raise my expectation from my friends that high anymore, I'll tell them directly if I want something or if whatever, so that they won't go crazy to as what I was "hinting" about that they didn't notice, as my B'day present or many more other things. I realised it's wrong to do so( raise your hope and expectations,and ended up with none of what your wants, so I'll be more direct next time, but again I'm warning out all my "direct" conversational style might not be appropriate to younger viewers, so girth your loins... everyone bec my Saddistic, social arkward, pil-popping addict, Dr. Gregory House's personality is one pompous ungrateful bitch with the hint of sarcasm on the end of every sentences.

Just be prepare and Good luck
OXOX
Tao Priestess

Ps: It's also Britney's B'day, so Happy B'day again Brit! I said my grace in the world's no.1 biggest Brit fan, Young majesty, on his Burn Book blog