My swing mood

My mood on this week would be clear once you listen to both of these songs:

The Veronicas - Untouched

and

Christinia DeBarge - Goodbye

These song just clearly shows how my mood-swing goes on around this week

NightmareS

Huh, these past 2 nights, I have been having a weird dream, well not weird, just that it's been a while since I had bad dreams, especially 2 nights in a row. 

Ok,lets begin the first one, as usual I can't remember very well how it started off, but I believe I was partying with my place somethings happen that I don't remember and then I heard my parent shouting calling me and I thought did my party/sleepover/hanging out with my friends bother them like too loud or something like that and they were about to scold me. And then my brothers also came out of their rooms(note that in this dream I didn't recognize a single place, it's somewhere I have never seen before, which leads me to thinking about if the dream possibly take place at my possible new home in Indo, on the Bukit Golf, anyway just a thought, not that important). Ok so we all went down to the garage and already I can hear my mom literally yelling and I was scared it must be because of something that I do(huh, this dream might just makes sense to me, on this second. I'll explain later). Ok, so apparently there's a bathroom leak and the garage was flooded and my mom and dad was cleaning them up, and I panicky think did my "party" did this over use of the bathroom by my guest while I'm observing the flooded area and my mom went to get a mop and was going to try to push out all the water that was blocked in the higher are water pathway by pushing the mop from one hole so that the water would go out from the other hole, but just went she passed through the other hole /I saw a glimpse of something and then from the 1st hole where my mom was headed appear this great giant tail and I recognize that tail, and I was certain what was inside the hollow water way, a giant grey-brown leopard crocodile, and I was running toward the area warning my mom, "mami, ada buaya!" and my mom backed of and retreat to a safe area and I'm in directly on top of the floor where this crocodile is, and I started thinking to run back and just when my foot reach near the other hole, the crocodile mouth with all of it's teeth show up and bite my foot, and that's when I woke up in fear.

 

(Ok, so these last few days I might have been taking precautions on how to hide my Tattoo from my parents when I'm back in Asia, I got all boxer underwear ready, but when I didn't notice sometimes it rides up and my tattoo shows a bit, I just hope that I'm aware that I have a tattoo now and since I didn't want my parent to know, I'm certainly gonna ave to be careful. It's just that these last few months I had even been aware of my Tats that much anymore so I got careless. Let's all just hope for the best that they would never know, and even if they do they won't know about procedure called tattoo removal surgery or I'm certain that they will make me do it. so right now while writing the first dream I might have figured out that my fear or guilt might have come from getting this tattoo behind their back, but again I don't think it was that important)

Ok, next 2nd dream last nite. Again wasn't very clear on how it started, it's a bit blur I know that I was wanting a snake for some reason, and I got it for some reason and have it in my room and my 1st bro, A2 was there and so things that I don't remember and then I was in my bed and suddenly just quickly like in the movie or something the snake was like "standing" in from of my bed and with very quick movement and I was scared and definitely already that it'll bite me and as with the speed of lightning it did, it bite me in my right side of the neck and I can feel the pain and my blood was like sucked and I managed to get a hold of the snake and put it out, and my bro was laughing in tht e background, "Hahaha, it's just a little blood/ or it's just a snake bite." and my thoughts some running through my knowledge mind and I remember that snake's poison on their fangs makes flesh would couldn't close so that the blood will keep on coming out. and all of the sudden while still holding on or probably strangling the snake all of the sudden I can feel my emotion going up so does with my blood rise and blood just came out like a fountain from that would and the something ridiculous like the snake was opening it's mouth to "drink" the fountain of blood's flow. And my bro just keep on laughing harder and harder.

And I'm awake at that time, and realise a lot of ridiculous stuff like, snake's poison fang are not going to make your blood stop flowing, and that snake DOES NOT drink blood, it's vampire that does or bat in this matter. once again this scares the hell out of me of what vampire are capable and the reason I'm scared of them in the first place. 

Both weird, scary dreams and both involves the animals that I despise the most which are crocodile and snake, there 2 reptiles just creeps me out and I hate them. 

So I was thinking what was the meaning of these dreams and I know that every dreams has it's meaning whether it was relevant or important is 2nd concern. And I can't figure it out, my roommate told me the night before I have the snake dream that getting bitten by a snake in your dream is not a good meaning, then again so does in real life. Plus it hits me that if I bought the snake then wouldn't the snake would be sterilized as in no fangs and no poison certainly and getting bitten by it  wouldn't do much damage beside hurting a bit and that snake actually kills by wrapping it's body towards it's target's body until they're out of life. i mean I know that in dreams not everything gotta make sense, but I just feels ridiculous, and scared and based on all the wrong "facts" and I should know better even in the dream world even though I'm not a dream wizard, but I need more although none of my dreams ever made sense,  the one that actually happen was probably me having a premonition while I was sleeping, so it doesn't count as dream, sort of. 

Ow, well just thought I would share that with all of you and see if the 3rd nightmares continues tonite. Btw if I haven't told any of you I should be leaving this continent in about 60 hours although I really should count the last time I did I managed to forgot my passport for the 1st time in my life ever I forget my passport, I have NEVER did that EVER, especially not when I arrive in the airport and right in front of the check0in counter, un-freaking-believable. the only time my parent didn't remind me or something like that about passport and I forgets them or something like and then it happens again same destination, from SF to sing, although in my defense at the 2nd time I DID check that my passport was in my backpack and then when I put out some books my passport folder was in between the books, and I swear I'll recheck and recheck and recheck my passport as long as I'm leaving the house entering the car, during the car trip, arriving at the airport I'll check check and re-check, bec I don't wanna  put my roommate or my friend through the same trouble again of getting my passport form my house rushing home and rushing back to the airport to try and make it before the check in desk close, although the 1st time failed due to stupid 101 highway which I have always hate being closed down completely  which leads my roommate to completely trapped & I need to take the next day flight. Utter and complete disaster. ohm never mind I shouldn't dwell in the past, like some people who just does that all the time.

If I learned anything last week from my class is that you should ACT like the person you wanna be in the future, so u wanna be a graduate student start acting like you are a graduate student, even though you're not yet, but it will completely put you and yourself into that pathway on becoming that possible future self of you. So I don't wanna act and dwell to the past, I wanna act like the person I'm going to be in the future a professor of top university in Singapore, a Stanford graduate and certainly a very great marriage counselor in this case. I should start acting like it, and the 1st thing I'm gonna do is Grow up, from all the stupid fights I have been having with people, just because I'm on a swing mood a the same time as the other people doesn't mean that I should give an "attitude" although I really didn't feel like I was giving any "attitude", but a lot of people picked them up through online conversation with me so I'm guessing that it was certainly true that I was giving an "attitude" based on what or why is unclear and certainly it didn't matter to me because what's more important is to "fix" whatever is broken before it was lost, not to look at the past and looking for explanation for your own behavior.

So I'm sorry for my "attitude" I mean it. I'm sorry for everything.

Though all I can say is that I have never been very good at controlling whatever emotion I was having or receipting what other people is reacting towards my "attitude". Again, I'm sorry  I'll do better if you guys would give me a next time, I guess.

To grow up is to  live, to learn, and certainly to forgive and let go. And It's not gonna be a piece of cake, but I certainly willing to sacrifice it for the future that I'm GOING to have, I will.

OXOX

Tao Priestess

A Grey's Wedding

On the 100Th episode of Grey's Anatomy, certainly we all though that Meredith and Derek are finally getting married, but the ending was much more elegant and beautiful.

And so now on the Season Finale, They finally did got married. OK, I know I have always said that without marriage being legalized by law, you're not really married, but this raises the question of how about couples that aren't allowed to get married, like same -sex couple, etc. And Meredith&Derek answers my question with their own contract of marriage promises that they wrote on the post it note and then signed. I'm totally agree that they are married not because they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other, but because they managed to signed that contract to be with each other forever, that contract, a written one, not oral one is what I would say their marriage become official Although not legal.

Some people just can't take the step of signing this contract to be with each other forever, they may tell other people that they're married in their mind, but as I said oral contract doesn't give that sense of commitment of not-leaving each other through sickness and health, poor and rich, etc.

Here is the quote of the contract that Derek and Meredith signed:

To love each other even when we hate each other.

No running, ever. Nobody walks out no matter what happen.

Take care of each other even when we're old and smelly and senile.

This is Forever.

Meredith Grey

Derek Shepherd

 

Derek said marriage is made up of vows, commitment, and contract. So this is what they do write these into a blue post it, and both sign them, and post it into Mer's locker. They're finally married everyone. I'm so happy.... if only the ending of the episode wasn't a cliff hanger I would have been estatic with this ending.

My tattoo, my promise is also forever,

OXOX

Tao Priestess

She's coming as fast as she can

OK, How I met your mother is certainly one of the funniest sitcom on TV, replacing the legendary F.R.I.E.N.D.S on TV or was believed to be somewhat like that.

So I relate to Ted Mosebly the main character deeply bec he's also looking for Mrs.Right and the sitcom is about explaining to his future children about the journey on how he was to met their mother, hence the title of the sitcom, How I Met Your Mother.

In last night's episode, Ted ran into in Stella, his ex-fiance(he was dumped at the altar for the ex-fiance's ex lover/father of her daughter) and her boyfriend/ex/baby-daddy, 7 months after the "left at the altar incident"(because Stella finally realize that she's still in love with her ex/baby daddy.) And so this guy, Stella's now lover again is trying to make up& cleanse his guilt of 'stealing" Stella from Ted, moments away before the ceremony. After Ted explained that, he's no longer wants Stella (which is true) he mentions that he doesn't want someone that would leave her at the altar for her ex. And the next day Stella was dumped, and asked Ted to help him talk to Tony, the BF, baby daddy, etc because Tony listen to Ted. And after bailing Barney out from jail and Stella admit that Tony was the one. 

Ted: "Ok, I'm gonna say something out loud that I have been doing a very good job of not saying lately. What you and tony have, what I thought for a second that you and I had, what I know that Lily and Marshall have."

"I want that, I do. I keep waiting for it to happen and waiting for it to happen and I guess I'm just tired of waiting."

"And that is all I'm going to say on that subject."

Stella: " You know I once talk my way out of a speeding ticket." 

Ted: "Really"

S: nodding her head, "I was heading to my paernts house and doing 90 on this country road and I got pulled over. So this cop, gets out of his car and swagger on over like `Young lady, I have been waiting for you all day.` So I looked up and say I'm so sorry officer, I got her as fast as I could."

T: "Hehehe, for real ?"

S: " Nah, just a little joke."

"I know that you're tired of waiting and you might have to wait a little while more, but she's on her way, Ted. And She's getting here as fast as she can."

Ok, so I know right now I sound like the worst hypocrite that I have hate for a while, it's when I tell someone about something and they didn't even take my words for consideration or didn't credit me for my own words and when someone else said the same thing, and they "bought" it I feel so pissed that that person didn't listen to me, but one word from whoever, he/she listens to thenm like a destiny calling. I know my friends, my family and almost everyone I know have told me that I'm to young for children, marriage, serious relationship, or even dating in this matter, but whenever I said to them that I'm tired of waiting, they always said, " Be patient, she'll come someday, just be patient." either that or they would told me to stop waiting and start looking. 

So, here I am doing the same thing that I hate when someone else does it, it's not that I didn't listen to them when they're talking to me, but it's just nothing I haven't heard of before and yes, I'm sorry, but the line here was that  She's coming as fast as she can, well actually it's she's getting here as fast as she can, but I actually like mine better. And even though it has almost the close meaning towards what everybody's been saying to me all this time, but I can feel the different reaction to those words coming from me, my soul it's like my soul knows that the line is true and that she's really coming as fast as she can. And I had my heartache at ease once again, ready to wait, and wait, and wait some more until she's here, just because I believe, no... because I know that she's coming as fast as she can. and I won't complain no more. It was either because of this line or because if my tattoo that symbolizes that I will wait for her forever and ever through space and time. Maybe, it's both, but I do feel better either way.

 

I wanna thank my friends for all the support they hae given me in accompanying me in waiting for her. I'm so blessed to be able to got all of your support through out all these years and I couldn't imagine my life without you guys.

Thank you so much,

OXOX

Tao Priestess

PS: Probably next time I ask, complain, or whining about this stuff, you should say this line (She's coming as fast as she can)

NEVER SAY "Be patient." or I might just rip your mouth out.

I'm just saying...

Women and Beauty

Last night I found a couple of revelation about women and life, etc. It's not that big of a deal or anything, but I'm so glad to hear about them.

Ok, on the season finale of Castle. So Richard Castle went shopping with her family, to find the "perfect" prom dress for his daughter after after a few dresses, the daughter still ask for her father's opinion and the father still said that she looks beautiful no matter what dress she wear (well, take into consideration that in this episode of the murder of a plastic surgeon ,and a "cat-like" woman, literally, in one of the probable suspect is a plastic-surgery addict that have bout 3 face lift until her face look a tranny, and like a cougar, literally.) So of course the father is very concern that his daughter is so imminent to look pretty, on the outside. then the grandmother come with another dress and after the daughter left to the changing room. the grandmother explain to his son, the father about women's insecurity. She said that no matter how much you(men) tried to tell us we look beautiful, we(women) always manage find that 1 flaw that we are born with either it was small breast, flat butt, a wrinkle face, too much lips, etc. We(women) would do almost anything to cover this imperfect part of us, and with the perfect dress, the right shoes, and a touch of make up. We'll believe that we are perfect. And then the daughter/granddaughter come out and it's one of those moment of life that that's you're breath away and realize that she is wearing The Dress that makes her looked Perfect.

So, this scene makes me think and learned about a thing or two, that beauty is IN&OUT. No matter how you look at it, I mean when we know someone for a long time we should be able to see their inner beauty/ugliness in that matter, and the thing about outer beauty is that it's a act to show the inner beauty outside, or they're just trying to cover the inner ugliness that we have by our outer beauty, so we will be fooled long enough by their outer until it's too late to realize their inner ugliness. So then what do I about this new info, since I'm always been a deep follower of inner beauty? I guess I have to balance it out. It's not only about soul-mate, but also genetic-mate. Don't you know that research have shown that we're a physically attracted to people that have the most opposite/different from our own genetics. It's because well the instinct of survival to try not to make a "faulty" new-born by consummating with people that have very close genetic relationship with our own, but also to versify the newborn's genetic so that he would have more survival-rate genetically. Ow, well it's just something I know. So balance between inner and outer beauty = soul-mate+genetic-mate would be your perfect mate. I would say.

Wish me luck to be able to find her someday,

OXOX

Tao Priestess

PS: Did you know that women that uses birth control pills, have this setup messed-up?

So, guess what they're not physically attracted to the person that have the most opposite/different genetic make up than they are. Instead they're attracted to the person that have the most similar genetic make up with them. Certainly, this is one reason we can pin point where incest come from. And you know what happen to baby that was born form incest, technically genetic "faulty" or have some degree of high risk of genetic illness death.

I'm just saying...