Ok, this was starting from my friend's, N and her blog.
She was talking about adulthood, as we get into adulthood we start getting more "quiet" , but somehow I go on on and on into other topics. If you want just read it. It's here.
I mean adulthood was partly created by gaining experience in life, definitely. The other part as gaining moral sense, self identity, and "other" things.
So yeah, by the time we gain much "wiser" or much adulthood, yes we bow down and listen, like "padi makin berisi, makin menunduk" That one kinda make sense, definitely.
I was just thinking that I only will be quiet when I want to listen. And in a true face to face conversation, it's hard to say things like this in written bec usually before I'm even done speaking my point or whatever usually someone else jumps in and make my "melody" stop, and my Attention Deficit Disorder really didn't help much even when I'm speaking and everyone else is only listen I can't even make my point, usually going to go around, and my "lecture" is definitely going to be long and NOT to the point right away bec I always go around and didn't like to skip the DETAILS, of course I love details.
I would say it's wise to say only a 1000 words, but listen to a million words. Then again, I don't think we can't all be a wise man. So I guess u wanna be well do your best, listen more, and speak less, but since maybe nature was in between, I listen as much as I talk, or at least I hope so. Well, I would say I wanna be "wise" of course, but can't really do it, by THAT way ONLY, right?
I'm sure that I can be "wise" and still be me, and if there wasn't any way that it's possible, I will find a way to make it possible.
We all humans have more and less of skill depending on well us, we're born with limitation, but don't let that limitation LIMIT us. Now I'm not saying that Goddess makes mistake when making us or whatever, but I believe ewe are to uncover our own destiny, our own way is the way Goddess want us to DO IT. Because Goddess is always FAIR, CARE, & etc, so it would be impossible for GAYS to exist or for Hermaphrodite or other birth defects to exist, RIGHT?!
But whatever you say or believe it or not, they still do exist, do Goddess want them to suffer with those kind of "percobaan" I don't think so, but I do believe that SHE wants us to create our own destiny despite of what happen to us. I think this is the most make sense for me to believe bec Goddess would not do such things as to create GAYS, hermaphrodite, and other birth defects and let them to be born in the world to be SUFFERED, SACRIFICED, or to be HUMILIATED TO Death, unless you really think that you GODDESS is that cruel SINCE GODDESS don't make MISTAKES, and don't tell me otherwise bec if you believe that GODDESS makes mistake then SHE would not be worth believing in for, I don't think that we want GODDESS that want makes mistake, right! Then again if GODDESS DON'T makes mistakes, how would such SUFFERing for these GAYS, hermaphrodite, and other birth defects would exist.
Well, that's how I come to the conclusion that SHE wants us to find our own destiny with our own way on our own time. That's why I plan for the future, plan for my future, try to control every single aspect that was possible for me to control bec I know that things WOULD go wrong at some point how ever perfectly your plan is, believe me I do, but that's the reason why I try to plan for everything especially since I know everything wouldn't go as I plan, but that doesn't get me to lose the hope on things can still be just the way I plan it. That's why I plan, plan, and plan.
I know things may and will go wrong, but there's 0.001% that things would go as perfectly as I plan, that's why I plan even though, knowingly it might just change or go wrong when executed.
That's all. I don't see the bad, things go wrong of course, but I would say that's what Plan B is for, and Plan C, etc in case things go wrong, DA. that's why I plan so much, people. I also plan to fail, that's why I don't get that stress of my plan going wrong, ok people I have plan B, etc OK... so plz stop telling me not to plan for my life, for my future bec I can't do that and I don't think I will do that ever.
But if you guys are worried, about me only ever going to be basing my decisions by my mind not my heart I will also suffer, yes it's true, definitely. Too bad, I got a bad heart that just won't tell me or won't let me feel on what on the inside of My OWN Heart, I know..., but if I do feel something from my heart that's so strong even my mind knows it before I can feel it, I would go for what's in my heart, no worries on otherwise, but yeah my heart is kind of blind, so yeah I'm going to need help on that part, but it is also bec my heart and also my basic instinct is kind of rusty is the weakness that I have more than normal mind power, I guess or so and I plan plan and plan.
yeah do whatever you guys want to say and do to me, just as long as it doesn't involve telling my to stop planning or stop worrying about the future, it would be impossible for me to do so, I'm sorry.
Hal yg membuat gua membisu..., yah hal2 yg I just don't know or don't care I guess that would make me QUIET since I don't know anything, I just listen, don't u?
If I know something that someone is talking about and they're saying it correctly or the same as I know it then , I can only agree and maybe add on if he/she missed something or so. But mostly listening also.
But when I listen into something that I know about EXPERTLY, and there this other person why just keep on rambling and don't know a thing about what he/she's saying. I definitely would like to slap him, but in order to avoid public humiliation by physical slap, then again I have temper issue, but still controllable so far just enough to turn the BITCHY mode in me ON, too bad my tongue is just one slippery words thrower, I can't rap bec I can't speak that fast, since when I do the word will come out wrong and not make sense or other kind of tongue slip mishap, so not good at tongue wrestling(I don't mean french kissing, never been kissed) I mean words by words cat fights, I can't win bec of my tongue disability.
So only way to win a words cat fights would be yeah, like email blogs, I guess.
So, yeah I give up fights that I know that is not important for me to win, and I do my best to win those that are close to my heart, don't you all?
Well, then again I'm the least most competitive person you'll ever find, I think. I don't have ambition at least really not much, the reason I don't like to compete, but then again it's kinda sucks when your younger brothers gets to looks down at you and walk all over you, but i pick my battles, I don't care maybe if I even lose the war, but I know that there are some battle I just can't afford to lose, and some that I will do my best to win, but I think I'm open to lose the war if it's what it takes to create "peace", really.
Hopefully you guys catch my "drift" on what I want and what I'm willing to sacrifice for, I just don't want you guys to waste your time on somethings that are impossible for me to change. that's all. Thank you for listening
OXOX
Tao Priestess
PS:I can rarely joke bec I'm very bad at making jokes either they're not funny or they're went over and mock people, but you all should already know that by now. So, I can do sarcasm maybe on a literal daily basis, I seem to be good at it, but that's the closest I can ever get for making a joke, ok! So, most of the time when I'm not being sarcastic, I'm not trying to joke and close to being in serious mode at all time. So just don't assume I'm joking, when I'm talking without any sarcasm tone bec most likely I'm not joking, just FYI.
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8 comments:
bgs! u da mulai menunjukkan diri u..
jd lbh ap adny, diri u..
thx.. Good luck!! gbu..
I totally don't get ur blog ---- what is this whole adulthood thing ?? what's the connection with the gays or any birth defects ??
and i'm seriously amazed how u really believe that GOD is female in terms of gender..... !!
and who is this naidelyn girl -- u seriously need to tell me -- because nowadays she seems pretty much everything in ur life ---
and i'm sorry to say -- based from what i read in ur blogs n her comments, i dont think she's my cup of tea -- but i'm glad that she's yours
but this whole "GBU" thing from her really drives me nuts -- certainly she hasn't know the reality yet ---
but im totally happy that she's someone u can call a friend --- but obviously i think she's kinda "wannabe" ~~ but whatever - i think it's great to know her
and -- what's this whole "brother over pity" thing ?? u're the eldest one - u're in control, but nonetheless u were never a controller -- i mean ur bro is really hot -- but still u're the elder one
and i think he doesn't walk on you, but u did let him
---hmmm about the war ??!!!
from my experience ---
i've lost battles before but nobody else has ever made me a victim - and i always win the war ---
PS : it's funny that nowadays u always use the term of "bitch" "i'm a bitch or whatever" and funny that u always said that u hate "bitches" !!
To: Prince of the Meanest
Well, yeah adulthood/Dewasa same thing same meaning.
N was just wondering about how adulthood turns her into a more "quiet" person.
Yeah, as I said I was just rambling on to other topics, so that's how the Goddess issue comes up.
Well, yeah I would have said that no MAN can be a GOD, at least not the way I think a GOD/GODDESS should be. After all women is the most perfect creature if I would say especially compared to the imperfect men. At least that's the way I think of it. Women can manage to be career oriented, or family or both. It's just amazing how much women can do, and no MEN can ever do as well or even better than what women do.
That's why it's GODDESS not GOD.
Male superiority was just a way to for men to feel "in control" when we all definitely know that without the women doing all the side and back up work there's no way any men can go forward towards anything. And definitely based on the history when men goes to war all the women replaced their husband on the work-force and still manage to handle the household duties. How in the world could men do such things! Women can take care of their spouse's work, take care of children&housework, plus the stress and worries if their spouse's is still alive on the war field. Top that!
Nai, well only seems to be talking with her bec she' actually the only person I was able to be talking like having a discussion in "times" like this. Everyone else was busy, can't blame them.
So that's might be why, u seem to only think I was talking about her all the time. In fact I'm pretty sure I talk about Red-Haired Girl as much, just in a different matter and topic.
Yeah, well I never ever thought that my taste would be the same as yours, so yeah it shouldn't be the same anyway.
Yeah, well I would say she has her own way of "dealing" with reality.
Can't blame her for it, and she does has her right to do so as would you and I, ok.
Um, I really think that she's far... like very far away from a "wannabe" trust me. Far away, or I would really think so.
"brother over pity"? Never heard of it, but I'm guessing what u mean about it.
Well, being the eldest didn't necessarily mean that I was the most adult and to be fair in front of my family, I certainly was not, but he is in front of the family, so can't blame him. He was a scorpio and snake for both astro and chinese zodiaks, both very deadly venomous creature, surely that's why he's the best hunter in the family since he's the only carnivor also. I can't try to keep up with him or his nature, to handle situation, it's amazing really, could learn a lot from him. The thing is I don't wanna bec I'm sure that he can do better than me no matter what, so rather than making it hard, I let go of the "status", I never want it anyway, really.
Hey u're the youngest one, but manage to make your eldest bro, "bow down", don't you? I just wanna skip the fights, especially when I know who's gonna win, but only for the things that aren't really matter anyway.
Yeah, I know it's weird, everyone says lose the battle but win the war, but for me is the other was around, but were u really surprise?
I mean I am kinda weird in my own way always have been and probably always will be, but u should already know that. I just don't do "normal".
Huh? really? I mention that I hate bitches? Oh, my Goddess never even notice, most of the time I would mean Jerks&Bastards when I said I hate bitches, I think, but since saying bitch is sounded way more cooler than jerk or bastard, I might have tend to say bitch when I mean bastards, well reflexes mocking are kind of hard to control, but I'll try to do better on differentiating between bitch and bastards, hopefully. After all, I don't like a couple of things from myself, as do with my bitchy nature, so it's normal if I project my hatred towards my bitchy-self to other people who happen to have the same bitchy part, the same as the one I hate.
So that could be the rest of the reason why I said I hate bitches.
Thanks for noticing, I guess
OXOX
Tao Priestess
yup! i agree!! it's better u use "bitch". ok?
jerk& B... it's too rude.. ok??
just suggest...
thx.. gbu..
Nai, u do know that both jerks and bastard have the same meaning as bitch, just that bitch was regularly used for women, and the other two was for men. Kalo di bahasa indo-in sama aja artinya BAJINGAN.
Cm emang bitch udah diangkat lbh positive seperti pula cewe lbh diangkat derajatnya walaupun msh blom seimbang sama cowo(Nyebelin bgt), tp yah it's coming along, coba Hilary Clinton yg jd presiden, kenaikan besar tau, damn the rock star Barrack Obama. So, USA maybe not racist anymore, but definitely still sexist.
Lagian gua blg g ga sengaja mau blg jerks&bastards, tp krn jarang pake, and mulut gua tuh reflex ngeluncurin kata bitch-nya tuh udah paling alami makanya bisa salah maksud, justru g ga bole kaya gt, meaning bitch kan udah gua angkat, jd kalo gua mean jerks or bastards I gotta say them bec kalo gak g blg bitch mah sama aja dong g "menringakan" ejekan ke cowo/cewe bajingan yg ga deserve bitch yg emang levelnya mereke bener2 rendah bgt cm deserve jerks/bastards/jackasses.
Salah tau, hey when I'm mad or when i know someone deserve to be called jerk/bastard/jackass mah knp ga diuse to the max, it's not like I'll be using it to someone I know that doesn't deserve it.
Too rude? Plz Nai, I've never played under sopan santun, I basically just don't know them, so plz how do I even know when I'm too rude when I can't even tell if I have passed the "line" or not bec I can't see the line. No instinct, no sensitive heart or common sense for public's entertainment, I just don't do those bec I can't, ok. Sorry, unless someone tutor me 24/7 on those issue, there no way for me to be able to tell if someone likes me or when I like someone, when I'm passed the sopan santun line in a formal dinner or family dinner or whatever bec I can't tell. If you want me to be able to tell u need to teach me.
hey, g da tau. cm emang kt "bitch" t yg lbh baik drpd yg laen. emang mao gmn?
tp dsisi laen emang rugi utk ce, tp j&B t terlalu kasar aj. n g jg tau, kl u lbh biasa pake t bhs, rada susah utk diubah. setdkny u meminimalkan sbg langkah awal kan da lumayan. gt c.. sama kyk "sort of" yg biasany lbh dpake ama ce. t dr dosen g yg blg. tp g blm pernah beneran research c..
kl lg marah, u mao pake ampe max jg terserah u.. tp inget aj.. dgn kt2 spt t, t akan lbh menunjukan sisi negatif u. u mesti belajar mengontrol emosi&kt2 u dgn lbh effektif. n i tau FYI, u emang bermslh dsitu. tp dcoba aj.
menurut g, kt2 ga mesti kasar utk menunjukkan kemarahan. u bs pake kt2 yg langsung tegas(emphasize)& 2dpoint, utk menunjukkanny. t akan lbh sgt effektif skali.. tp g ga tau u lbh suka yg marahny kyk ngoceh2 sambil kt2 kasar or ap?nah, u suka kyk ap dlu?tiap org kan beda2, tp lbh baik hindari kt2 kasar itu, kl bs. jd biar marah, tp tetep mesti terkendali dgn ckup baik.
ini emang sulit, tp emang perlu usaha utk terus berlatih c..
kekurangan dr style t adlh kecenderungan utk kelihatan spt memendam. ttp yg benar adlh menahan emosi, sambil mencari kt2 yg tepat utk dkatakan d wkt yg tepat. begt c.. menurut u??
someone tutor me 24/7 on those issue. i ga ngerti ini.. ad ap dsaat t? siapa yg jd tutor u? trus 24/7 t ap? isu ap? ga jelas nih.. krg spesifik d.. perlu penjelasan lbh..
kykny g sering liat u ksh abbrev "DA". t apaan c?? ga ngerti..
thx.. gbu..
yah,Nai kan cm krn baru2 org2 prove that "bitches" need to get the jobs done or was taken more into a positive role.
Rugi untuk cewe?
Plz cewe didominasi sama cowo di duni ini tuh sebrp byk abadnya "nama" buat cewe yg lbh kasar dr arti bitch yg asli tuh byk. and Cowo cm consolation plg kasar cm Jerks and Bastards. When some men deserve it, they deserve it, I'm sure. Plg mereka bitch malah merendahkan arti kata "bitch" yg baru aja berhasil dipositifkan, nehi kali.
"sort of" beneran sort of gt?
sort of, like, something like, kinda, kinda like, etc. Kata2 begini maksud u? g sih ga tau kalo ada bykan gender yg pake mana, tp krn otak cowo emang diblg lbh bagus buat mat and cewe lbh bagus buat bahasa generally so, yah plgan cowo cm cari kata2 paling simple yg otak mereka bisa nyampe dlm berbahasa and cewe kemampuan otaknya lbh dr itu.
Yah, kontrol emosi, kalo face to face lg marah I wouldn't say a word. Tp yah krn my rencently riseing high blood pressure yg disebabkan or mungkin menyebabkan ketidaksabaran yg of course adaptasi buruk dr Amrik, krn I know I was so patient before I move here. I don't even know or like who I am anymore, and I blame it all to this damned continent.
Kalo stranger rarely pisses me off, so no chance of getting mad at them, so only close people I cna scold, but then again some CAN'T handle that approach bec they just can't or bec he/she think we're not THAT close to be able to scold each other I dunno, but I know that I'm trying not to scold, but since I was raised of scolding as the way to CARE for other it's hard, but I'll try NOT to care, then or change the way I CARE, try at least.
Yeah, saying stupid is a bad habit, I'm trying to stop, really. But hard to break in on a 16years of solid and constant BAka,baka,o'baka is a bit tough to break especially with my less and less communication or human contact that require reflexes of "IDIOT" coming out of my mouth is less happening with the less conversation I'm having these days, plus if I deduct correctly since I'm in a miserable state on mind, I unconsciously want everyone around me to be miserable as well by mocking them, hurting them; only makes a lot sense for me to have that selfish feeling that since I'm not happy, yet other also have to "tag" along.
And I'm sorry, I'll try and do my best, but can't promise any BIG changes in my behavior until I'm out from here, but that's the dilemma I'm having, right now.
So you want me to change big time, I will tell you, don't waste your vote, and your voice on that dilemma argument. I might just need it, to make the "right" decision for me.
Aslinya gua marah, pasti tutup mulut ga mau ngomong ampe reda, but after moving here for so long and "catching" on a lot of bad behavior, can't promise the same old thing for response as to anger, so many u have only taste a lot of very pissed, I don't think u're really for full blown Anger yet, the last time I blew up, I was sure that I didn't use any sarcastic words or anything, but it was 8 years ago, since then just been pissed a lot and moving here definitely getting pissed EASILY.
Again ga buka mulut pas marah, takut a word come out that I can't take back, that'll make me regret the rest of my life mostly, but after 100% sure the anger's not there anymore, then open my mouth again. those from sarcasm or whatever that I usually do is a reflex from getting pissed.
someone to tutor me 24/7 = ada org yg ajarin and ingetin gua 24jam sehari 7hari per minggu alias SETIAP SAAT
G ngomongin "hati" gua yg ga sensi pas tau ada suka org , etc sama g kan ga unya soapn santun basically jd kecuali ada org yg bisa ajarin gua soal itu semua setiap saat, tiap kali gua lupa lbh selamat makan, ato thank you, or ngerasain hati berdebar ato ngak, dll. Kecuali ada org disebelah gua yg bisa ajarin/ingetin gua buat do those stuff that need learning, gua ga mungkin bakalan bisa berubah dr gua yg skrg dlm hal itu 2 "hati" and sopan santun, laen2 jg sih, tp yg gua tau "salah" dr gua/ or my product malfunction would be those two that I notice.
DA, as in gua blg dgn nada berat tp kenceng DA..... or DA!
DA= of course, paling mirip makna nya, tp basically DA tuh buat reassurance check.
kaya kalo ada yg tanya "langit di siang hari tuh biru kan?"
u jawab, "DA!" jd maksud indo, "Yah,Pastilah"
DA! dipake buat reassurance buat hal2 umum, yg harusnya SEMUA org tau, sebagai FAKTA/NYATA kaya yg diatas, tp yah gua tarik2 fungsi kata DA!, well sebetullynya sih ngak sih, DA! is originally come from sarcasm language like when someone ask the same question or a reassurance question like you want that bubble gum? Yes. Bubble Gum? DA! Simplenya sih bgt lah kira2 tp tiap org pake Da! buat maksudnya sendiri. Kalo gua sih kbykan pake DA! to answer Stupid&Reassurance questions and lbh mengarah artinya ke "Yes, u masa ga tau(udah kenal gua sgt lama)(kenal gua gak sih)"
And if u don't or never notice, I only play "nice" mask to stranger or to public ok. If you're in my "inner" circle where I was actually comfortable being myself with someone, I would definitely start ngomong blak2an with sarcasm, balk2an and sarcasm sama gua goes together always, and u can only get them it you're close to me kalo gak I'll play my "nice" mask for stranger, gt lho. If you haven't notice, I only play sarcasm and blunt truth on someone I care at least that how I see it or that how I showing CARE more or less, krn if I don't care all u get would just be the "nice" mask or the stranger mask, ok?
So....Take it as I care when I use Blunt truth on you with sarcasm if not then you're nobody to me.
OXOX
Tao Priestess
PS: Although some sarcasm are just for sarcasm, like when I'm talking about Paris Hilton, but since I take sarcasm as a sign of I care, I'll tone down or deaf-en my interest towards Paris, just in case there wouldn't be no confussion, ok.
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